Guest Contribution #3: Tipping: a Lipper Out Loud (LOL) Rant

My third guest post comes from Jordan Lypchuk, an old pal of mine who had a rant saved up for how the idea of modern day tipping grinds his gears. This is a rant segment that he has affectionately named "LOL: Lipper Out Loud"


Give it a read and enjoy!


also, if you ever want to contribute to the Jegger Report, send me what you'd like featured and id be more than happy!




LOL: LIPPER OUT LOUD: TIPPING

Let me start off by saying I eat out a lot. My Job involves a great deal of travel so 50% of my life is spent staying in hotels and eating at various restaurants.

Tipping in the 1900’s use to be a gift; a gesture of gratitude and appreciation for a service rendered. It wasn’t expected, nor was there some arbitrary line that decided whether it was a good tip or bad tip. You simply tacked on a little “something-something” for a job well done. The best part about this is that that people in the service industry at the time DID NOT expect this. Servers in the “good old days” Did not bash you as soon as you left the restaurant and call you a “cheap ass” for only tipping 5%, they didn’t add on a mandatory 10% gratuity for parties of 6 or more. They didn’t do the bare minimum of customer service and expect to get tipped 18% just because they wore a low cut shirt and had their knockers hanging out. What they did, was actually give a shit about your experience, your needs and their own personal professionalism in order to hopefully get a tip! They did not have this attitude of entitlement, they knew they would have to work hard for every extra dollar left behind.

Now this article isn’t a bash on servers, my wife is actually a server a local pub in Alberta. What I am hoping this is is a little bit of a refresh. I am sick and tired of hearing about how servers complain about how they only made $439094582.65 in tax free tips last year but some ass hole only gave them 5%. Call me old fashion but I work hard for my money and if I am going to give it away for free it’s going to be because I chose to go above and beyond the cost of my $42.63 steak and potatoes dinner because the meal and service went above and beyond my expectation… weird eh? Not because the blonde bimbo covering section 46 in a trendy steak house piled on about 1.35 metric tons of make-up and attempted to boost my ego and make up for brutal customer service by flirting with me.

My point is a tip and a good tip at that is earned not given; it should be worked for, not expected.  If you get a “bad tip” (I actually cannot comprehend how anyone can complain about getting “free” money, but I’ll try) maybe you should look at yourself or your establishment before blaming the guy who had to wait 1.5 hours to get his greased dripped, cardboard tasting burger and had to wave you down every time he needed a refill. I am sure it was so difficult to put down your phone and get off Facebook for 5 minutes to do your job and get me a refill on my god damn ice tea!

I think tipping is getting ridiculous, some servers/bartenders make as much as doctors - which is not right. I made a decent wage last year; after taxes, CPP, EI, Dental, medical and all those other deductions, I end up with about half  of my salary.  But to be truthful, I worked a minimum of 10 hours per day and usually 6 days a week.  As we get higher and higher up in the work force and you get put on salary, the usual 5 days a week, 9-5 gig becomes a distant dream and 10 or 12 hour days and 6 days a week become reality.  But for some reason we aren’t getting 18% gratuity for doing my job when it gets a little bit higher volume or more stressful.

I went to school for my job, it took years to gain the skillset and knowledge to integrate and network myself to become a reliable name in my industry. What seems so off to me is in today’s tipping world any 19 year old girl with big boobs, tight clothes and half a brain (brain optional) can go out and make 150-300 bucks a night. Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely ludicrous!?!?!? Or is this just a product of men still carrying clubs, dragging their knuckles on the floor and living in caves.

So who is to blame?

Obviously a lot of the finger pointing can be directed at the male patrons, like “Billy Biceps” who just got off the rigs, thinks he has a chance at getting laid with his server “Tits McGee” and just throws a ridiculous amount of money on top of the bill, in hopes to impress said Ms. McGee. Not without blame are the young females who feel bad or guilty if they don’t put down anything less than 15%  and if the server actually brings out what they ordered correctly on the first try its like an automatic bump to 20%.  Ladies and gentlemen, I know our generation has had its disappointments but we are allowed to have higher standards than this!

I’m sure some of you are in complete disagreement with me and think that servers deserve every single dollar they get tipped. Well you’re wrong, but for your sake I will explain in a simple 3 step program what 15% tips should/shouldn’t be getting you.

1) Professionalism is key, I feel like this is a no brainer but you would be surprised out how many servers come and say Hi to me, smelling like they just took they 32^nd smoke break of the shift and looking like they came straight to work from an orgy the night before. I wouldn’t want to sit next to you on the bus never mind let you touch my food. First impressions are huge, Clean yourself up a bit plus look and act professional.

2) Talk to me!!! Introduce yourself, ask me how my day is going, actually care what I have to say in response, KNOW THE MENU SPECIALS!!! Man, if I had a customer ask me how much this costs or what does this comes
with and I had to say “hold on, let me go check”… I wouldn’t have a job. As I have stated, I eat out A LOT, I am often by myself, some friendly chit chat can go along way, not only on brightening my day and making this planet just a bit more enjoyable but it can also vastly improve the quality of your tip! If I get the chance to just ever-so-slightly feel like we bonded and/or liked you I am going to be way more willing to open my wallet at the end of my meal and throw down a couple extra bills.

3) Don’t rely on your looks. I don’t care about your tits; I am at a food establishment, not the strip club. Do you know the best tip I have ever given was to a male server? And let me tell you, it wasn’t because I was impressed with his tits and ass (they weren’t bad though). He gave me the downright best service of my life, he was quick, polite, chatted me up, gave me suggestions, told me his favorites, knew the menu in detail, explained several side options to me before hand, I don’t think my drink every got below half empty before he would come bring me a new one. He was nice, professional, actually concerned with my dining experience and BLOODY UNREAL AT HIS JOB!!! Now he got a tip and rightfully so!!! Tits McGee never had a chance.

Anyways, for all you patrons out there, think twice before you tip, let’s raise the bar and set a new standard for 15-18% tips! Viva la resistance!! For all you servers out there, I hope you’re ready to raise your game or I feel bad for you if you get me at your next table. Cheers!!!!

8 Of The Most Unbelievable Facts You'll Ever Hear in Your Life

1.       The Most Drugs Ever Smuggled Anally is 11kg (about 25lbs):

Hector Enrique Gomez Jr.*,  aged 72 at the time, was a Colombian National  who was stopped at Miami airport in 1986 after he fell out of his wheelchair going through customs and started acting strangely in an effort to get back in it. American Customs agents noticed he could clearly walk fine, and became suspicious after the over-embellishment of truly being disabled. Gomez was taken for a full body search where customs agents discovered almost 25lbs of pure Colombian cocaine lodged delicately up his keester.




2.       Purebred Dogs Can Learn to Imitate the Scent of Their Owner’s Breath:

In a study done in 1999 by Dr. J Darling* of the Kennel Society of Idaho, test results show that certain breeds of purebred Labs and Bloodhounds, if trained specifically as a hunting aide, can alter the enzymes in their mouth to match the scent of their master’s breath to better identify as a member of their pack.






3.       The World Record for Human Nipples is 40:

In the mid 1960’s a woman from an indigenous tribe in New Guinea was discovered by Australian explorers with the National Indigenous Association of Queensland*  to have 40 fully functioning, lactating nipples. She was regarded by the tribe as the ‘Mother to All’ sent by the Creator. All newly born children took their inaugural nursing from her. Ironically and coincidentally enough, her true name was Milkango – which in her native tongue means “strange blessing”





4.       In 16^Th Century Spain, Boys Born With Webbed Feet Legally Had to Become Pirates:

Right at the pinnacle points of Caribbean conquests by the Spanish Armada, King Jose of Spain* passed a law stating that any boy born with the genetic condition must serve on a ship due to his ability ‘as chosen by God’ to be a superior swimmer. The King's goal was to develop a unit of top-notch swimmer/soldiers who could swim swiftly into island villages and take out guards without ever being detected at night.







5.       There Was Once an Inuit/Eskimo Who Lived His Entire Life With a Body Temperature of Well Over 100 Degrees:

Wakaluktuk* was a man born in Canada’s Arctic Northwest Territories region in 1922. His mother passed away from exhaustion due to the strain of giving birth to such a large baby (over 13lbs). Inuit legend states that he never stopped steaming from his body since the day he was born, and was utilized in his village to help melt things that were frozen together such as meat or containers. Wakaluktuk translates to “ice melted” in the Inuit tongue. He lived to be 69.





6.       Every Year, Over 200 People Die Globally From Being Offended by a Joke:

According to Dr. Hans Guudern*, Head of the International Post-Mortem Statistics Association, every year hundreds of people find a joke or insult so offensive that the section of their brain associated with stress and emotion (the prefrontal cortex) develops and instant bursting aneurism that kills the person instantly. The official cause of death has been published globally as, ‘offensive hemorrhaging’.




7.       Until the Early 1800’s Korean’s Used Live Sea Squid as Toilet Paper:

Due to its wet, slimy yet adhesive nature, people in Ancient Fuedal Korea would keep a water bucket with a live sea-squid near to their toilet areas.  Wiping with the squid was effective because the suction-like tentacles would take waste with them. The squid could be put back into the bucket of sea water and reused several times before it would eventually die from over-exertion, or waste related poisoning.





8.       The Majority of People That Read Lists on the Internet, Actually Believe Them:

If this list has had you fooled for even a second, you are one of those people. Every ‘fact’ from 1-7 has been utter nonsense that I’ve completely made up and pulled out of my ass, as is much of the garbage that we read online without thinking any further about. This post was meant to be entertaining and also to prove a point that people believe the smut we’re told too often, particularly when it comes to ‘amazing lists’ articles like this was an attempt at. The key to being happy, smart, safe and respected is to think critically and independently. Look deeper into what you read or are told because quite often, it can turn out to be bullshit.




But Share This, Because It's Awesome

*not a real person, check here to make sure, though.


Hope you enjoyed, share with your friends, see if they can believe it!

-Jegger

Guest Contribution #2: Tinder 2 - A 26 Year Old Woman's Commentary on the World of Dating Apps

Second guest contribution post comes from Alicia O'Connell writing about a woman's take on what a Tinder experience is like. Great read, good points - check it out! Like, Share, Stumble, Tweet, Reddit, or snail mail as you see fit!

Check her out:
Twitter: @ayo7788
Instagram: @ayo778


A 26 Year Old Woman's Commentary on the World of Dating Apps

 

As a recently single lady I have discovered that the world of dating has changed drastically in the four years I was in a relationship. I am only 26 years old but having recently downloaded a dating application onto my Iphone I’ve discovered that today’s version of courting is seriously lacking in most aspects. During the present time one does not even have to leave their house in order to score a date. I simply just put pretty pictures of myself onto Tinder and voila, I have prospects. While they look at my pictures and chat to me through the application I am most likely in sweat pants, with wet hair, eating wings I ordered from Pizza Hut, but they’ll never know. Through many of the matches I gained on Tinder I made a realization: dating applications make dating a creepy experience. These guys have nothing to lose. They simply propose something vulgar and if you say no and block them then it’s no skin off their back and if you say yes, then they score. All the romance has been taken from dating with the use of online websites and applications. There’s not stopping it however, this is the technology age. All I have to do is swipe right on the picture of a good-looking guy and I’m set. Only I’m not. The world of dating has turned into quite the experience now and that in itself is not necessarily a good thing.

This is a screen shot from a guy I matched who will remain nameless so as not to sully his chances with any other females on tinder who like the first words out of a guy’s mouth to be “I want to do dirty things to you”. I believe my response was appropriate considering. I mean you can’t blame the guy for trying but seriously, not even a “hello”? Not even a “how are you”? I don’t imagine myself to be above anyone else, and obviously I found this guy attractive considering we matched but it is times like these where I find myself wondering what I am doing on Tinder in the first place. This is a good question though. What am I doing on Tinder you ask? Well. I’ll tell you. It’s simple enough: I joined for fun. I don’t expect any sort of long term relationship to come out of it nor have I even decided to meet anyone in person at this point. Post-breakup I’ve been sad and Tinder seemed like a fun and innocent way to alleviate that sadness. It’s a bit of a confidence booster. Since matches are based on pretty much pictures alone I’ve been feeling pretty good about myself. Regardless though, this guy got blocked immediately. The funny thing is I think he may have blocked me back after my response. I guess I just wasn’t what he was looking for. He probably wanted me to ask, “What kind of dirty things?” The sad thing is that I’m sure there are girls who do on occasion respond that way. Why else would he even try it? Because obviously his success rate isn’t bad. Which makes me scared for the human race. One day someone at their wedding will ask, “So how did you two crazy kids meet?” and his response will be “I told her through a dating app that I wanted to do dirty things to her, and you would not believe the response I got”. That’ll be one to tell the grandchildren.

-Alicia O' Connell

Guest Contribution #1: Out of Touch: The Technological Social Gap

As I posted on my Facebook page earlier in the week, I was looking for some friends who were into writing and wanted to post some content on my blog.
The response I got was great! Lots of contributions in the works, and hopefully many more to come!

First guest post comes from my friend Katelyn, check her out
Instagram: @rockette55
Twitter: @rockette_55

I remember the first time I ever used a computer was when I was in elementary school. I lived in a relatively small, but growing, town that had 2 main roads. When I wanted to contact a friend outside of school I would either have to walk to their house, or call them from a landline telephone. 50/50 chance of social interaction based on whether they were home or not. But with the Internet growing, so did social media. Soon I had many messaging systems to contact my friends: MSN Messenger, Nexopia, Myspace, to name a few.

My Mother worked for a phone company and I finally got my first cell phone for my fifteenth birthday (2003). Sadly, my birthday is late in the year and most of my friends already had one. It had basic calling and I remember when I first started to send text messages there was a lot of arguments with my parents as to whether or not I should be allowed that privilege. Obviously, my parents caved to my pleas and the technological takeover began.

My cell phone came with me everywhere and I was always in contact with my friends. Texting during class became common with everyone I knew. I could talk to friends about what we were doing after work, while I was at work, on Friday nights. It was easy and became second nature. It’s still engrained in me and is a part of my life to this day. It’s pretty obvious that I’m not the only one who has this habit. People text back and forth while at work, driving, at the gym, or at home. One thing I have noticed is that the number of phone calls on my phone has decreased drastically. This is where the gap of human intimacy becomes so obvious.

This social gap I speak of is obvious to people of my generation or older. There are certain social “faux pas” that we are aware of that the younger generations haven’t quite caught onto. Unwritten rules of etiquette, like keeping your cell phone in your purse on dates or having unimportant phone conversations with a friend while you’re out with another friend having coffee. Those are just a few examples. This gap has transferred over into almost everything, including the world of dating.

As a 25 year old, single female who is currently venturing in this dating world, there are a few things different than from our parent’s generation. In the past few years of dating I have ventured into online dating and most recently, dating apps. To be more specific as to which app it is, I will admit that I joined Tinder a few months ago. I know this app has a stigma for being a “hook-up” app but I was honestly looking for a relationship. And as of a few weeks ago, I thought I had found one.

I had started talking to a few people using the app and agreed to meet a couple of them. The first date I went on was for drinks with a guy that lived in my area. He was a couple years younger than me but we really seemed to hit it off.  Next thing you knew it was our third and our fourth date and it seemed to be getting relatively serious. I guess serious isn’t the right word to describe it really. Exclusive, lets say. A word I have a hard time using. I would be lying if I didn’t admit the fact that over the past few years I’ve been a bit of a serial dater and that I’ve had a hard time committing to seeing just one person. This was new territory for me.

We continued seeing each other. We discussed the fact neither of us we’re looking for marriage and children any time soon but we both enjoyed each other’s company and wanted to pursue this. There was no rush. We discussed him joining my softball team, camping trips, and future dates. Neither of us we’re ready for the other to meet our friends yet (like I said, I have issues with things rushing so this didn’t bother me) but we always made time to spend with each other. Next thing you knew it had been 2 months since we started dating. And then it happened…

#Banksy

He broke things off with me over a text. Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but this really bothers me. Maybe that’s because this just happened last night and it’s still fresh in my mind and I’m a little bitter. After nearly two months of dating and spending time (face to face) getting to know someone, how is it socially acceptable to end something through a text message? That’s the easy way out of an uncomfortable situation. I’m not the only one who has gone through this, and this isn’t the first time it has happened to me. I just cannot figure out how a guy who was such a gentleman, and definitely what you would call a “manly man” could be such a coward. Why is it so hard to pick up the phone and call, or meet in person, and just be honest?

I can without a doubt in my mind say that every time I have had an issue I’ve always asked to discuss it in person rather than try to deal with it via text message or email. Emotions cannot always be portrayed properly through written word. People tend to read between the lines or misinterpret things and everything gets blown further out of proportion.  Has it really become too difficult to sit down in front of someone and tell him or her how you feel and to listen to their point of view? It really shouldn’t be considering this was our original way of interaction.

I guess at the end of the day I’m saying this. This goes for everyone, male or female. Grow a set. So what if it’s hard and sometimes uncomfortable. At least you will learn how to relate and socially interact with someone face to face. Sometimes you just have to risk a little bit of heartbreak to do the right thing by someone else. And also maybe I should read the JeggerReport before joining dating apps on my phone…

Oh, before I forget to mention it, I have a date on Wednesday.  Old habits die-hard.

 

-Katelyn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life's a Garden, Dig It. Smell Those Roses.

When I was in elementary school and early high school, I thought I’d be close with my little carefree group of friends forever. I thought we’d stay close all through school, way into our adult years and beyond because the chemistry we shared when we were responsibility free pre-teens was just too natural. I thought everyone at my entire elementary school, or everyone I had on MSN Messenger would be a part of my life to some degree for decades to come. Life was carefree. Laughter, love, and angst just flowed naturally through our prepubescent bodies to the point that it became an extremely familiar chaos. Money wasn’t an issue, and the kids who got $20 a week allowance were living large, free to make it rain, so to speak.

But as we grew up, I was proven wrong. I speak to a small handful of people I knew ‘back in the day’ and the duties of adult life have drifted all of us further and further apart from our acquaintances. Some have travelled the world, focused on careers, got married, started families, and some have done a whole lot of nothing. Either or, doesn't matter, if you make it competition, you're bound to feel like a loser. If you treat life with a sense of winners and losers, sooner or later you realize that nobody comes out alive, so  really there are no winners.

Let me be clear, growing up and being an adult is not a bad thing, its a great thing – but life happens at a rapid speed, so maybe we should remember to take more time to smell the roses along the journey.

Today, Facebook and all the other platforms that people parade their personal lives on don’t leave much to the imagination as to what people are doing with their lives. You can, for the most part get a feel for the type of person those kids you knew have become.

• The kid who peed his pants in the 4th grade is an oil worker and has a baby, Neat!
• The girl who loved doing homework in grade 7 is a teacher, and getting married, wow!

• The guy who wore everything Randy River has lost all his hair already, maybe the flames on his shirt burnt it off!
• The guy who always smelled like mold is a bread maker, and has two moldy little sons, talk about foreshadowing!

But when was the last time you spoke with any of those people? Sure, maybe you’ve ran into them at the market or a bar had a little bit of small talk like you don’t already know what they’re doing with themselves. But when was the last time you got to have a care free, no agenda chat with someone from the past that you’ve drifted away from as you’ve molded your life? I recently had to a chance to do it,  and it was great.  I'm very glad I did, and here's why: Not only did I get to reconnect with someone that I had actually forgotten I genuinely cared about, but I got to reconnect with the person I was when I did.

I'm not talking about people you’ve sort of kept in touch with, I'm talking about people you haven’t spoken with in years. I'm talking the person where you can say, “I haven’t seen ______ in forever”. What I suggest is ask that person out for a drink. Sit down with a person, guy or girl doesn’t matter, and just shoot the shit. I can almost promise that you’ll just magically pick up where you left off.

You’ll be reminded of the person you were before the weight of life and the trivial pursuit known as adulthood got in the way. They may remember personality traits about you that you had forgotten about yourself. Traits clearly dynamic enough to leave an impression after all these years.

Without even realizing it you’ll be doing the same for them. Once the initial small-talk is out of the way, you’ll find time has metaphorically rewound your mindset to pick up right where you’ve left off.

In a time where people are ‘cleaning out their Facebook’, I challenge you to do the opposite. Hang out with someone you’ve lost contact with from your childhood.

They knew you when life was easy – perhaps with your fast paced life, you’ve forgotten that person the kid in you once was.

You’ll be able to look back and smile as to how far you’ve come, be able to use that reignited sense of yourself to drive even deeper into your dreams that you’re currently trying to make come true.

Forgetting the child in all of us is a deadly plague that adulthood can bring. It’s the gateway to stress, uncertainty and self-doubt.

We all could use this, so get a hold of someone you haven’t really seen in 10 years or so – see if they’re free for banter and bullshit one night, let me know how it goes. My guess is awesome.

Thanks for reading,  now go out there and make new(old) friends!

#SmellTheRoses

-Jegger

 

"When we appreciate things from our past, we're latently arguing that those things are still important -- and if those things are important, we can pretend our own life is equally important, because those are the things that comprise our past." - Chuck Klosterman

The Creepy Men of Instagram (part 1 of an Instagram series)

As a social experiment I recently checked out the page of an ex-pornstar on Instagram. Totally for research, not at all to check out an attractive girl take risky selfies.

Let me say, I definitely stayed for the comments. At an instant I noticed about 5-10 guys who comment on every single photo, who live vicariously through this chick’s Instagram, thinking they’ve got a shot.

This is beyond pathetic, way beyond creepy, and absolutely HILARIOUS.

You can read comments ranging from:
 

the retired old man who gives extremely creepy encouragement everyday

the guy who thinks its okay to be gross

 

the broken English guy who doesn’t know the weight certain English words carry

 

the swinger

 

the kid

in these guys heads they must think that a pornstar is going to be wooed by them saying creepy, or derogatory shit.

“How’d we meet? Well she was a model with about 500,000 Instagram followers, I made sure I creepily commented ‘stunning’ a lot on all of her pictures… and well, the rest is history.”
 

This must really be what these basement dwellers think!

Like,

Unsure how to act around celebrities? Well I'm sure they love surprise shoulder massages from strangers as much as the next guy!  

Then the other part of the hilarious comment section is the arguers! These losers pick on each other! they vie for the attention of the on-camera prostitute and vocally step on anyone else in an attempt to do so. I mean the chicks love bad boys right?

These guys creep the open  personal Instagram pages of guys who make comments to the pornstar, and then tear a strip of the guy for being a loser! They’ll say shit like:

“stupid tattoo, you fag”

“nice fat girlfriend you’ve got, you can’t do any better”

“get a life, your profile is all pictures of your stupid dog, loser”

Mix that in with the occasional grammar nazi, who makes sure half of these creeps can be reminded that they’re barely literate, and you’ve got some seriously hilarious entertainment at the expense of some of Darwin’s exceptions.

It’s the biggest example of the pot calling the kettle black.  Creepy dudes, cyberbullying other creepy dudes to not seem creepy and get favour from a pornstar, who more than likely, has an assistant or something who takes care of social media and NEVER checks comments.

Anyways, this was just meant to be a short post so I'm going to keep it as one.  I plan on doing another post on Instagram soon of this 3 part series.

But do yourself a favour, follow an adult entertainer on Instagram, and just read all the comments, it’s more entertaining than you realize.  If you want to follow the one I was following and join in my barrel of laughs, it was @breeolson

 

Anyways, happy Wednesday! Suns shining!

-Jegger