New Year, Same You: Happy New Year!

A date on the calendar should have no effect on how you reflect on yourself in the moment. If you’re not happy at this very moment, the clock striking 12 isn't going to change that just because you like to think it’s a magical clean slate.  Be Zen, simplify, and stay positive in the moment. Living your present based on the past will make you depressed, and living worried about the future will make you have anxiety.

Wherever you are now is exactly where you’re supposed to be.  There is no timeline imposed on you by others that dictates where you should be in your life right now, those are your own choices so breathe in and exhale, and above all be grateful that you can do so.

Whether you've just endured the holidays under the scrutiny of a large, nosy family asking awkwardly as to why you’re still single; or you've welcomed a newborn with your spouse to celebrate in their first Christmas, good for you.

If you view relationships a necessity as important as breathing because you’re with someone you simply couldn't be without; or you view that whole emotion as just an equation of lust+jealousy= love and see dating as just a really expensive way to slowly watch someone like you less and less. So you prefer to be alone and free, good for you.

If you've worked really hard and made strides to advance in society and become self-sufficient and stable; or you've not had to worry about these things and you are able to sleep till 10 and you’re main goal has been Netflix marathons and levelling up in your video game, good for you.

You get the point; my New Year’s wish for all of you is simply to have a fire within your belly that burns every single moment and can’t be put out, regardless of any dark clouds that may pour on it. I hope the future year is a time to face and conquer your fears, learn lessons through pain, and always make memories that will never fade away.  Never lose your wild heart and listen to it above all else.

“May the best of your todays, be the worst of your tomorrows, but we ain’t even thinkin’ that far, you know what I mean?” – Jay Z

I wish you peace, love and happiness in whatever 2015 brings and may God bless you all.

-Jegger 

8 Things You're Hopefully Starting to Realize

1. You Like Some Stuff That Would Have Been Lame to Old You.

When you go full adult you at least start to feel like you've developed opinions on your own, they’re meaningful  to you and that’s all that matters. If trendiness and fitting in with people that have absolutely no effect on your life still actually matter to you, you’re stuck, bro.

We all still get influenced into our opinions no doubt, but at this stage in your life you should actually think on stuff and agree with it. Personally, I can’t remember the last time I developed an opinion that I didn't learn from Whoopi on the View.




2. Learning Shit is Actually Fun Now.

Once the stage in your life has passed where learning for school or something is obligatory, acquiring new skills and learning new things is actually really enjoyable.
If reality TV and other mind numbing wastes of time still top your spare time, you’re falling behind because soon enough you’re not going to be able to contribute to anyone that can contribute to you. There’s only so much stimulation your peers can give you having heated debates about “what the hell Kourtney’s problem was” last week on the Kardashians.
Learn to cook, learn to build, read about things, watch Jeopardy, learn a language, get stronger, take up a sport, watch the news, meditate, masturbate, alleviate.
Someone quickly teach me karate. Come on, chop chop.




3. Give Up On Small Talk. Embrace Conversation. 


4. Your Friends Should Make You Better at This Point in Your Life.

At this point in life, being popular is stupid. School’s done, cliques have branched out, and being able to park out front of a club or bypass a line isn't really as impressive as it used to be.
Your group of friends most likely should have thinned a little or at least diversified to add some new exciting, valuable homies. That guy from your old group of buddies that nobody fuckin liked, is gone now because well, nobody fuckin likes them. The limited time you have to actually spend with friends outside of  life's other obligations should be rewarding. You should be able to consistently learn from and teach your friends. Even when you just sit around get high and play video games with them, there should be some substance. If hanging with your friends EVER seems to drag on or seem like a chore – you need new friends, bro.


5. Being Cool Still Sorta Matters, But Not Really Because You Know You’re Not As Cool As You Used To Be.

As much as we try to stay trendy and up to date, we’re not. At 26 years old, I know what the Schmoney Dance is but don’t do it when someone says “about a week ago”. I can’t decide if I’m a Directioner or a Belieber. I can’t ever work into my vocabulary the term “Bye Felicia”. It’s very rare I am motivated to do something even if its “for the vine”.
If being really cool and worrying about what other people think still really matters to you, I bet you have a tribal tattoo. At this point self-actualization is cool. Being aware of surroundings is cool. You should know by now that even the “cool” side of the pillow has some of the same insecurities you do, and that’s fine. Its really a paradox – whats cooler? Getting on TV at a sporting event holding up a neat sign you made, or being an adult that spent 3 hours making and enjoying making a neat sign?



6. Being A Dick Isn’t Fun Like It Used To Be.

It used to be fun to be an asshole, to display some sort of arrogance that you are (or think you are) the cat’s ass. Now, being nice and going out of your way to do good for others is the new talking shit. You should want to give some change to the homeless guy now without him having to light his beard on fire for it, because he has it worse than you and you want your fellow man to be picked up. Being in fist-fights isn't a fun adventure like it used to be. Now, you’re either going to hurt someone, get hurt, or be arrested which all really don’t help the path you’re on. Being a jerk to a girl because you think she likes it doesn't work like it used to, it actually just hurts her feelings and makes her think you’re a dick, which you are, bro.
People’s feelings and well-being should concern you these days. If you’re not making the people’s lives around you better, you’re not making your own life what it could be.



7. Your Relationships With The Opposite Sex Should Be Getting Deep(er).

When it comes to sex, it’s fun. But it’s not what it used to be where just getting it in and getting out was the goal. Nowadays it feels best to understand someone and to be understood. “She gets me. I get her.” Isn’t that really the magic phrase? Beauty is still beauty, but it’s so much more appealing when they’re smart and funny. I’ve realized that real love makes you wake up every day and want to be a better man. But maybe real love also gives you an unspoken permission and approval to be just the man you are.



8. You Can Do Whatever You Want.

There’s not really any defined rules anymore to what you can and can’t do. Want to drink ten beers on a Tuesday and pass out naked on the floor? OK! Want to buy a new car and drive to Vegas just for fun? OK! Want to get a neck tattoo? OK! Want to study ancient Chinese text and search for enlightenment! OK!
Do you, don’t lie to yourself, don’t sell yourself short.



Just be better every day, how you define a better you is your call, but if you don’t then you’re falling behind, bro.

good to be back writing on here, like and share how you will.

Like Jerry Springer always says after his Final Thought "Until next time, take care of yourself, and each other"

-Jegger

Raised Awareness

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is a fantastic thing – it’s raised a ton of money for ALS, which is a disease that hits very close to home with me and many people globally. The true phenomenon of this challenge, is how everyone from celebrities, politicians, athletes, and even you and I have been able to connect and raise awareness. The fact that this sort of awareness is possible shows the power we all have as a common family of people to unite with one another for a cause.

I hope the term “raise awareness” isn’t overshadowed by the simple novelty of getting your friends to dump cold water on their head and say a few swear words on camera. If that’s really all it has done for you being nominated, then “awareness” has not really been raised, and you are just seeking to fit in among the fads on the internet.

Awareness is truly raised if a cold bucket of water will continually motivate you to volunteer your time to help people ailing from disease, to give a little extra to charities that help combat these diseases, or even to just be more compassionate to people undergoing a life changing struggle. That’s what fuckin awareness is, folks. 

Also, the world’s pretty dire right now at this present time. Let’s spread some awareness around the board here, because to be well-informed, compassionate, and to possess a well thought out thesis on things, is to be a citizen of the world who is “aware”.

Here are a few more bucket challenges with a small non-opinionated stance to briefly help you become more “aware” before diving back in to the trendiness of ice-water dumping.  If we all connect and start discussion about issues like these, in the same way that is currently thriving to put an end to ALS, we're going live in a truly more aware world.

1.            #FireHoseChallenge

On August 9, a Ferguson Police officer gunned down an unarmed 18 year old (black) teenager, Michael Brown while he had his hands up in surrender. Brown was shot 6 times; twice in the head. The population of Ferguson is 2/3rds black, while there are only a microscopic proportion of black officers serving on the entire police force there. Protests and riots erupted upon the death of Brown and police responded with a militarization that should have most freedom loving people shitting their pants. All roads were blocked entering the city by police tanks and armoured vehicles. Protesters were treated with tear-gas, fire-hoses, and German Shepherds by a police force decked out in camo fatigues and assault weapons that looked like they were ready to invade Afghanistan, not serve and protect.  Protests still on as we speak.

So, spray down a friend with a high pressure hose to raise awareness for racial equality and the militarization of local police!

chrisinmaryville.net 

2.            #BowlCutsForEbola

One of the worst and most mysterious diseases known to mankind has re-emerged in several (3rd world) West African countries. Ebola is an extremely contagious and extremely painful disease that basically causes your insides to feel like they are being doused in acid until you eventually hemorrhage out of your eyes, dying from a tormenting ordeal with internal bleeding. The most recent strand of the disease has shown a resiliency to even be spread through airborne means, not through contact alone, which makes a rapid pandemic spread very possible through air travel if a vaccine/cure isn’t found soon.  Despite the World Health Organization’s effort to quarantine the outbreak, several victims have been flown to the USA for experimental treatment and patients in Southeast Asia have shown symptoms that they may have contracted the disease as well.

So challenge your friends to get a bowl cut to raise awareness for finding a cure to one of the deadliest and dangerous diseases known to man!

hausa.rfi.fr

3.            #ISISBucketChallenge

ISIS is an extremely organized, intelligent, and brutally violent group of Jihadi group currently recruiting globally to attract Muslims to come to their currently occupied conquered lands and live as a nation-free Muslim while imposing Sharia Law, which is pretty f’d up. They have easily taken over, pillaged and are governing about 1/3^rd of war-torn Iraq, and large portions of the equally unstable Syria.

ISIS is a Sunni Muslim group who basically will give a quick and merciless death to anyone who is not a Sunni. Shia Muslims, Kurds and Christians are all being persecuted and beheaded with complete disregard for a human being’s right to live.

ISIS have seized oil producing regions and other exportable industries in their conquered lands and are estimated to have a current net worth of 2 billion dollars with about 80,000 total members worldwide. 

These Jihadis are using social media and propaganda to recruit and radicalize Muslims to fight to establish and keep a Muslim autonomous Sharia Law region, and it is working at an alarming rate. It is estimated that there are twice as many British Muslims who have left to fight alongside ISIS than there currently are serving in the British Armed Forces.

If you don’t think this concerns you yet – realize that ISIS has vowed to raise its flag over western nations and kill everyone in them who opposes them. American journalist James Foley was recently beheaded on film by a suspected British Jihadi who on the tape vowed more violence in the near future.

So challenge a friend to dump a bucket of crude oil over their head to help raise awareness to the world being on the brink of the largest theological conflict since the great crusades!

mirror.co.uk

4.            #UnibrowsForUkraine  

In a conflict that started from protests against government corruption in the capital city of Kiev, came conflicts of autonomy from Eastern Ukraine after the pro-Russian president was ousted and exiled. Many cities in the eastern regions of Ukraine are made up of a majority of ethnic Russians because of the many different borders that have been imposed in the past, stemming from even pre-soviet days.

In response to this shift in political power, Russian President Vladimir Putin started arming and funding Russian separatist groups in an attempt to grab more direct influence in Ukraine.

Starting with the mostly unopposed annexation of Crimea, Putin moved a fleet of warships to its port and banished every Ukrainian public servant out of the area.  In the following months after the annexation, several factions emerged claiming independence as well from the newly formed, west backed Ukrainian government. The most predominant, militant, and most heavily Russian backed of these groups is known as the DNR or Donetsk People’s Republic who took a brief hold of the eastern cities of Donetsk and Lugansk and is fighting with the Ukrainian military to this very day.

How does this affect you?  A commercial plane has been shot down over the conflict zone, economic sanctions and alliances have been created in a very cold war fashion, and this sociopolitical game of checkers creates a powder-keg divide between western nations and the rest of the world.

So get your friends to grow a unibrow to help raise awareness to the plight of restoring peace, liberty and stability to the people of the Ukraine.

ibtimes.co.uk

5.            #GolfingForGaza

Hands down the most complicated and ongoing conflict in the entire world is the Israel-Palestinian war that seems to never end. Israel is heavily technologically and militarily backed by the USA and as a result boasts the world’s 34^th largest military force - all in a country not even close to as big as Vancouver Island. Makes sense when you consider every one of its neighbours wants to see them wiped off the face of the earth.  Palestinians are basically held captive and helpless in the Palestinian ran areas to prevent them from arming themselves and spurring a violent uprising.  Therefore, Palestinians  can’t flee the conflict because there’s no way out.

The problem is that Hamas, a terrorist organization, is the predominant governing party in the region and will not budge in futile acts of violence towards Israel. As a response, Israel’s army enters areas of the attack and brutally cracks down, while killing civilians along the way. No one is right in the conflict, but everyone thinks they are.

So challenge your friends to a game of golf to help raise awareness of the ongoing brutal violence and hatred happening in the Gaza region right now!

independent.co.uk

The ALS ice bucket challenge shows regardless of where the media chooses to focus its attention, we can all connect to gain an understanding of the issues that go on around us.

I don’t mean for my #hashtags to come off as crass or insensitive, or even to make light of the other issues; I just want to illustrate that the connectivity is possible.

Maybe this ice bucket challenge is the wakeup we all need as to “spreading awareness”. Once we beat this disease, imagine what else we can do once we are all “aware”. 

Guest Contribution #6: 2014 Pacific Northwest Supra Nationals

Guest Contribution #6 comes from my pal Daryl, a car guy. If you're a gearhead like he is, he's definitely worth a follow or a network. Check it!


Twitter: @TurboJayhall
Instagram: @turbo_jayhall

Some people would look at us and dismiss us as nothing but no good trouble makers, street racers, no good hooligans.  Well in some cases that might not be far off, but as always there are two sides to each story.  I’m going to back up to last week and tell you all a little about my weekend before I get to my point.

Friday morning at 9:30 I am waiting at the trailer rental company’s parking lot for them to open so I can get my rented flat deck home to load my car up and hit the road.  I am heading south of my home country and province to spend the weekend in Portland Oregon for the 2014 Pacific Northwest Supra Nationals.  A yearly event that brings people from all walks of life together because of our love for old Toyotas.  Just a quick history lesson, Toyota made the Celica Supra from 1978-1986 when they split the Celica and the Supra into separate cars and the Supra was continued for sale in North America until 1998.  Points being that these are not a car that is still in production.  So I get my car loaded up and I hit the border, wave my nexus pass, talk to the officer for a minute then I am off to meet my friend Cory who lives in the town directly across the 49th parallel.  I told him the shell station on the wrong street  but after about 5 minutes I went to the right station, met up with him, and  we were headed south on the I-5 trying to catch up with the rest of the Canadian caravan.  We ended up meeting them at a fuel stop and it was time for a quick lunch so we found a pizza place with a buffet. Perfect. 

We stuff ourselves full of pizza and as we get back to the parking lot we find that someone had hit Mihir's car and literally tore half the bumper off the ground and left it lying on the ground.  To our surprise there was a note with an apology and a phone number on it.  Mihir was rightfully heated and wanted to tell this guy what he thought of his apology, keep in mind these cars are our pride and joy with countless hours of work and thought put into them.  I knew that wasn't the way to go so I borrowed Cory's phone and gave this guy a call.  He couldn't have been a better guy, had all his insurance information for us and he even offered to come back and help us get the car roadworthy, as he saw that we were from out of state and didn't want to leave us high and dry.  His simple gesture was so much more than just a note; he also left an impression on our hearts.  Seriously he fucked up, then stepped up to the plate and took responsibility for his mistake, a real man.  Luckily in my truck I had every tool I owned including drills and an assortment of different bits and we were able to jerry rig the bumper up where it belonged and carry on our way.  Mind you we had to wait for the sheriff to show up, document that it happened and gave us an incident report for our insurance purposes.  By the way, the sheriff was cool as fuck.  Once we finished up with the business end of our encounter he returned from his cruiser with his Iphone and showed us his Audi.  So naturally him being a car guy we stood around and talked cars for a bit (while listening very closely to his dispatcher on his radio of course)

So we hit the road and got stuck in some really bad gridlock, which was not good because now Cory's electric cooling fans have decided to stop working.  So we pull over, and luckily I had all my tools and hardware to re wire his electric fans on the side of the 405 in Everett.  Let me tell you everything under that hood was incredibly hot and we somehow managed to not get burnt. Bonus. So we got those working and 40 minutes later we were on the road, in gridlock for 2.5 more hours but hey, such is life.

Let's fast forward to Friday night.  We check into the hotel at about 9, get my car off the trailer and we head out to meet up with the locals who are going to a go-kart track for some laps.  We end up meeting up with the rest of the Canadian crew there as well.  After the go-kart we all head back to the hotel and then once everyone is checked in we discuss what is on our minds.  Obviously it’s food.  So we are looking for something in walking distance as we are all tired of driving.  You might not believe this but around 11 pm on a Friday night in Portland it is very hard to find a sit down restaurant that is still serving food.  As we are wandering around the streets contemplating just getting snacks and beer at the gas station down the street we see our friends Duane and Don (not to be forgotten is Duane's wife Marylyn).  This was unexpected to see them so we go running over and everyone says our hellos as some of us haven’t seen each other in a while and it was a very joyous occasion.  Either way they were looking for food too and together we figured out that the gas station snacks and beer was really our only immediate option.  So over we go, like a bunch of insane people we choose our snacks and select our beers so that we can head back to the hotel.  10 or so of us was too much for one hotel room and some of us were at different hotels that were actually next door to each other.  So clearly we have a parking lot party, hanging out on my rented flat deck car hauler, telling jokes, poking fun at each other and laughing the night way.

Now comes Saturday, and let me tell you it was far less eventful than Friday but still special nonetheless.  Saturday we all went to a high performance shop with a dyno so that everyone can talk about how much power their cars make and then prove it.  Which is great fun, everyone gets to talk about what they've done with their cars and what they'd like to do to make more power, hang out in the sun and just have a really fun day in general.  One thing that is notable is that Duane set a personal best of 1035.92 horsepower.  You read that right, and yes that’s a huge accomplishment.  SO after the day at the shop everyone takes off for a scenic drive through the beautiful state of Oregon - drive was amazing, and there is something really special about driving down I-84 with 30 other Supras at the same time.  For a guy who's into those cars, it’s really tough to top that.

Sunday was the day of the car show at a beautifully renovated Toyota dealership in Beaverton.  This was a pretty basic car show and other than being in good company all day went off without a hitch and was uneventful in the sense that nothing crazy or out of hand happened.  This whole event was very well organized by a local supra owner named Shay.  I don’t know how she managed to do it but everything was perfect.  There were awards for all the various generations of Supras, fastest and highest horsepower cars.  After those were handed out and the door prizes were claimed that was it, the meet was over.

Now the thing about the meet being over is that it felt like it only just began - the point of all this is that the people made this event so amazing. Magic is really the only way to describe it.  As I said a lot of these people come from different walks of life, but we were all brought together by the love of Toyota Supras.  A bumper gets pulled off in a parking lot, we rally together and fix it, get it back together and get the info we needed.  Electric cooling fans stop working in grid lock and we get them re-wired and fixed so that we can get to Portland come hell or high water.  We see our friends in the parking lot and immediately set up something so that we can all socialize and enjoy each other’s company.  Duane breaks his own personal record on the dyno and the entire crowd cheers.  We drive together and then meet up together to all shine our cars up and show them so that everyone can see what you've done, maybe inspire someone else who has just got into the Supra game to further their mechanical knowledge and desire to work on their car.  This is what I took from this whole weekend is that it is very important to get together with people who share the same interests and passions as you.  It’s refreshing, it’s always the best weekend of my summer when this annual event comes around.  Whether your passion is knitting quilts, drinking craft beer or even my little pony I suggest that you go to one of these meets, conventions or quilt sales.  Whatever it may be, no matter what it is just do it, get yourself out there and get inspired, or inspire someone else.  You won’t regret it I promise you that

Friends With Benefits: Guest Contribution #5

Guest contribution #5 comes from a girl I know who chose to remain anonymous. I'll tell you she's 21 years old, and a rad chick. 

Here's her take on the Friends with Benefits taboo, and why its working for her. 

Check it out. 

Friends with Benefits

Have you ever had a serious boyfriend or girlfriend? Have you ever had a one night stand? Maybe an acquaintance or friend there was sexual tension with that you slept with a few times but unfortunately lead to a misunderstanding because you were just horny when you were drunk and they totally had feelings for you - now leaving it awkward and uncomfortable when you see them at the grocery store, gas station or at the local bar? Have you ever felt like stabbing your eyes out with a pointy pencil because it has been (insert longest time spent not having sex) since you got lucky? If you are a human that went to high school, definitely if you went to college, then I am almost positive everyone has dipped in at least one of the scenarios I painted. Even being in my very early 20s, I have experienced all of them. From my past romantic and sexual experiences I took what I learned, the good and the bad, and what I still wanted to explore and made a deal with the devil.  If you like sex, keep reading.

My friends ask me how I can seem so genuinely happy and upbeat every day, no matter the weather outside. Where does that spring in my step come from? Why am I the girl sitting on the bus gazing out the window simply smiling at the trees, buildings and cars zooming by on my daily commute to work? Aside from the choice I make every day to BE HAPPY and to THINK POSITIVE, there is something else. Sometimes I recall a funny joke a pal told me, but most of the time it is casual sex and a good cup of coffee that gets me smiling in the morning. Although I have chosen to remain anonymous, I will tell you that I am not a slut, I am not easy, and I treat everyone I encounter with respect. 

I felt very bitter towards men after my last romance. Time was slowly passing and it had been a dry and agonizing four months since I had been laid. That was a record for me, and I realized it was time to play the field again. I was all messed up because I thought I hated all men, love was for suckers and one night stands were too trashy. If I felt differently about sleeping with strangers, then I could have had lots of sex over my dry period, but they freak me out and are just not for me. If you full-fill your sexual void with one night stands, congratulations! If you feel a little bit icky towards them or loosely agree with any of my content to this point, keep reading.

This post is named “Friends with Benefits” because I have one. There, I said it, and I am still smiling. No icky feeling, no desire to check my phone every 47 seconds to see if I have a text from him, and no need to spy on him out of my car with binoculars to find out if him and his hot neighbor really are just friends. One day I met a good looking, funny guy. I didn’t think much of him beyond that. Over perhaps a dozen encounters, some brief and some long, the sexual tension was there. We finally made plans to hang out one on one and we had a ball. After many drinks in the sunshine on a beautiful day, we were both naked in his bed. It happened six or seven times, too drunk to remember the total count. However, we were able to remember how much fun we had and how amazing the sex was. We might have been the horniest people in the world that night, but hey, at least we found each other, and we told each other there was no judgement about anything.

A couple days later when we were 100% sober we had a real talk. He called me out on my candy eyes for him and we acknowledged that we both liked each other; both enjoyed the other’s company and definitely would like to have sex again. We entertained the thought about dating for a few minutes, which could be nice, but we decided against it due to our own personal life reasons. As of now, my work schedule is so crazy and demanding, I barely have time to see my best friends and own family. Of course finding a date or a boyfriend is on my mind, but I don’t really want or need that right now. I just want to make some money, get my career wing flapping, get a tan, party with my chums and have lots of sex. Basically, at the end of the day I would like to drink beer and watch Netflix on the couch with my buddy followed by sex and repeat it several times (or as many times as we would like) per week and he absolutely feels the same.

So, we laid out a few ground rules, fair play, and cleared up some things from the get-go. Clearing up any questions or concerns in the beginning was KEY. Ultimately, we decided that we were both equally using each other (in a nice way) and would never be able to use the old “what are we?” that makes men run for the hills.  If one night both of us or one of us are out drinking with friends and we get a little horny, the bed is open. If we are too drunk to drive and it is too late to get the bus, a rendezvous ending with a spooning session is fine! Sleepovers are okay time to time. The beauty is that we are FRIENDS.  We care for each other in the sense that we respect and are nice to each other. No one is going to be mean, and no one is going to feel bad or guilty on the inside after calling the other up at 1am. If we want to sleep separately in our own beds and are able to get home safely, that is cool! If going home is not an easy option, we are not going to kick the other out of our bed once we are finished because friends don’t do that. Also, we don’t have to be drunk. Sober sex is good sex, too, and it can be at any time of day as long as we are both game.

WHAT WE SHOOK HANDS ON:

·         If we send a text wanting to hook up, there is three hours to reply. If there is no reply, we are not meeting up that day.

·         We do not tell anyone that we are friends with benefits. (our day to day lives overlap so it could cause problems if people found out we were sleeping together)

·         We only sleep with each other. (No STDs!!!)

·         Be honest with everything.

·         No judgement.

·         If we start seeing other people seriously, the sex ends but we are still friends.

Pros:

·         All the sex when and where we want it.

·         We know how we look naked and we know what we like! Body insecurities never come into play because we already announced that we like each other’s body. Duh, our friendship is based on physical attraction!

·         Never having to impress and convince strangers we are smart / cool / sexy enough to sleep with / date because we are already getting some.

·         No need to creep his Facebook and strike up a sudden interest in his favourite sports team – we are already on common ground, no need to fake a mutual interest, just honesty.

·         A unique friendship.

·         He literally picks me up from work, takes me to his bed, then drives me home and tunes into my favourite radio station.

·         The honesty – he tells me which pants make my ass look great and which pants that don’t… just like a friend would!

·         My dad doesn’t have to kill him because he doesn’t know he exists!

·         I can still meet, talk, flirt, text and date other men knowing if I find someone or something better, I can end sex with my friend in an instant because I am not tied down and there are no hard feelings – this was our agreement!

·         A confidence boost

Cons:

·         No one to bring home to Thanksgiving Dinner - my mom still asks me every week if I have met anyone special.

·         Some friends just can’t accept a situation like this and will look at you differently ***this applies to girls only*** *** GUYS: your friends will think you are a champ!!!***

·         May potentially interfere with the chances of finding my prince charming (if you are not looking at anyone else at all, you might miss the chance at meeting a long term mate)

·         Over time feelings may arise

How my life has improved:

·         No urge to stab my eyes out

·         Always something / someone to do

This is just my outlook on recent friends with benefits relationship of mine. All in all I am in my happy place. I know it won’t last forever, but right now it is just right. He isn’t the guy I want to introduce to my family and friends, but we still have fun together behind closed doors. I still want to meet my Prince Charming and when the time is right for me, settle down and have a family. I know that my buddy here is not the one, but he is a friend, and hats off to him!

If you think a friend with benefits might be right for you, go for it! I highly recommend it. Please consider my pros and cons before you make any decisions. I don’t want anyone getting hurt. Just be honest with yourself and your friend. This situation is meant to benefit both of you, so lay your cards on the table, push the envelope, and go after what you need. A glorious relationship like this doesn’t come along often, so if you decide to go down a path like this, take full advantage of it. I don’t want anyone to get hurt, so be honest, think positive and have an open mind!

Thank-you for reading J

It's Almost Bikini Season Ladies!

Hello Ladies, and how are you? If your answer isn’t “extremely hungry!” then shame on you!

Bikini season is just around the corner, and if you aren’t spending all of your spare time and focusing your already out of control emotions on shedding weight fast, then wake up!

The magazines, the tabloids, the online articles are basically spoon feeding you simple, sure-fire ways to get that flat tummy you’ve been waiting for- fast! But if you think a flat tummy is all you have to worry about, then you must be some sort of self-righteous bra burner because that is the least of your issues.

Please also make sure to focus some of your time, worry and intellect into fixing and correcting for me and my fellow man’s viewing pleasure your:

Saddle-Bags, saggy upper arm fat, cottage cheese thighs, F.U.P.A aka gunt, flat chest, asymmetrical chest, butt-beard, bacne, chestne, cankles, pit-cheese, sideburns, ashy elbows, hairy knuckles, beef knuckles, uncle’s knuckles, yield sign butt,  bald spots, loaf latch, razor bumps, panty dandruff, leakage, treasure trail, pancake nips, summer teeth (summer here, summer there), feet of any kind, corns, orangutan boobs, albino skin, junky skin, pasty skin, patchy skin, flat bum, mom butt, pretruded knees, plaque traps, camel toe, hunchback, knee-knockers, self-sustaining moles, missile-tits, phantom dangle, muffin top, tampon cameos, clubfoot, movember in progress, extra nipples and much much more.

if you didn’t recognize any of these issues on your own body, then congratulations! you’ve done it!

More than likely you’ve self-identified with more than a few of these terms and right now as you read this are feeling like someone so full of carbs that if you were to stick yourself in an oven you’d come out as a French loaf.

Well good! Let it be motivation for you, good things come to those who subject themselves to a lifetime of self-scrutiny and deprivation.

“Well, Steve, what about your beer belly and manboobs?” good question, and I’m glad you asked it. The answer is I’m an indifferent, yet confident man. I know all I have to do is remain confident and sexy when I take a girl out for dinner and eat so much  that I have to lie on the restaurant floor.
Scrutiny be damned! I already know I’m one of the toughest guys in my scrapbooking class. And anyone who disagrees with me and still thinks I am a loser has obviously never seen me kick my underwear up in the air and catch it. Plus, I know how to get the ball rolling with the ladies. I know that the first question you always ask a girl on a first date is her weight, then you basically can zone out and watch the sports on the restaurant TV till it’s time to go home and seal the deal.

But seriously, double standards exist heavily in our society, It is pretty unfair how when a girl has a simple ponytail out in public she “didn’t do her hair today” but if I guy has one, he’s considered this big-time mega stud.

Modern society has pretty messed up views on women’s bodies. In the 60s, Marilyn Monroe (who was not super skinny) was considered “beautiful”, but nowadays she’d be seen as “dead for over 40 years”.

I hope you all find the sarcasm in this article. It’s all for jokes and to point out how shitty it must be being a girl who buys into this sort of society. It bugs me that more importance seems to be on how a girl looks than to how smart, or useful she is – and that’s from a woman’s point of view! If you don’t think nature is frightening, try watching two women swap genuine compliments.

Sad but true. Again, please note, this is a satire totally for jokes, please take no offence or think I’m being sexist, its actually the opposite.

3 things I look for in a woman. Good hygeine, decently smart mind, and me. Keep your nudes, just message using proper grammar. You know what daddy likes.

Hope you LOL’d, share as you see fit, all the buttons should be below. 

Till next time

-Jegger

You're an Individual, Right?

You’re an individual, right? You do the things you like because you like them, nobody has influence over the things that make you feel happy, sad, successful or inferior? Right?

Sadly, probably wrong.

It takes much more conscious thought to remain true to your individuality and make your own well thought-out decisions than it does to be part of a herd.

Our entire capitalist free system has been based around people’s consuming habits being like that of a herd. Clothes, cars, music, pop-culture – all part of and contributing factors that go in to the herd known as western society.

Almost all inventions and innovations that have made people rich and famous, however, have come from a person separating themselves from the flock and thinking for themselves.

Successful investments and savings plans come from people that can predict that the herd is about to run off a cliff.

If you want to understand how to make money off of the herd, click the video HERE.

It’s not at all a bad thing to fit in, be part of groups, belief systems, whatever. It’d be mentally exhausting to always have to over think every single detail of your life. However, I can promise you there will be times when you need to really think for yourself in order to come out on top.  Sometimes things are morally wrong, sometimes they are financially ridiculous, sometimes they are just pointless – and we find ourselves doing them anyways because it’s the thing to do. If you do not conform to these things, I can guarantee more happiness, more money, and a better outlook to your sense of self.

Here’s some things that really took off with a herd mentality, see if you agree 

• ·         Uggs (2003-present)
• 
• ·         Nickelback epically sucking (2007-present)
• 
• 
  
• ·         These Versace sunglasses (2008)
• 
• ·         Backwards Red Yankees hats like Fred Durst wore (1998-2001)
• 
• ·         Kony (2012)
• 
• ·         Livestrong bracelets/rubbery awareness bracelets (2004-2010)
• 
• ·         #throwbackthursday (2012-present)
• 
• ·         Gluten (2014)
• 

The above are the innocent ones, harmless really.

But here’s an example of how the same herd mentality has affected history:

• ·         The holocaust
• 
• ·         The Rwandan genocide
• 
• ·         Southern American racism AND the civil rights movement
• 
• ·         The cold war anti-communist/Russian mentality
• 
• ·         Radical Islam
• 

All because of this premise:

That’s all I’m going to write today. Happy Monday and remember to sometimes ask “why?”

-Jegger

Guest Contribution #4: How To Become a Crazy Cat Lady in 5 Simple Steps

Guest Contribution #4 comes from the very talented and funny writer, Michelle Cyprus. I got a real kick out of this and I hope you do too. Like, Share, Stumble, Tweet, Fark, Reddit, Email, SnailMail, whatever - just share this with the cat lady wannabe in your life and I'm sure they'll find it helpful.

As always feel free to submit your posts to share on here.

But for now, enjoy this informative, hilarious read.
-jegger

How to Become a Crazy Cat Lady in 5 Simple Steps

by Michelle Cyprus, accomplished crazy cat lady and occasional motivational writer

http://michellecyprus.ca

People ask me how I did it. They see my radical transformation and they wonder, “Could that one day be me?” They would be so lucky. But still, they stare, they whisper, they side-eye, and they’re all wondering the secret to my success. I feel that thought weighing heavily on their minds everywhere I go. I sense their deep desire to know the truth, and now, for the first time ever, I am going to reveal the secrets to becoming who you’ve always wanted to be: me.

If you think I’m talking about weight loss, think again. Besides, everyone knows the secret to that: frequent violent and exotic viral intestinal infections and/or a tapeworm injection. Duh. No, today we are going to learn how to become one of the world’s most sought-after types of people: the crazy cat lady.

Now hold up. Don’t be fooled by the “lady” in crazy cat lady. Are you a man reading this? Read on! You can be a crazy cat man. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! You go, guy!

Now onto the nitty gritty, or as people of my kind like to say, “litter shitter”. Let’s get down to business. Face deep in business.

The first thing you’re going to want to do is immediately abandon all hope. That’s it. That’s step one. It’s pretty easy. Just take a good look at the world around you, the circumstances that brought you here to this point in your life and just give the fuck up. It’s so easy, people do it all the time. Just look at George Bush. He was a president, and now he sits in his basement painting pictures of world leaders who did a way better job than he did. That’s really not an ideal career trajectory. That’s giving up, friends.

The next thing you need to do is purchase some sick new threads. Before you do this, keep in mind the colour of cat(s) you are planning to acquire. Black, white, beige, orange, brown, blue, grey? This is important, people. If you don’t know the colour of the cat and/or cats you are going to get, then don’t worry because regardless of your clothing choices, you will be fucked over by stray fur flying through the air at an astounding pace and sticking to your clothes anyway. Got a black cat and wearing black pants? No problem, let’s aim for that white top. Got a white cat and wearing an all-white nylon jumpsuit, full-zipped? Now that, my friends, is how a champion prepares for the game (and also prepares for making a great impression on a first date). The game of cat fur is never over. Ever.

We’re almost halfway there. You should be feeling at least a little more insane than a few minutes ago by this point. I like to think that I had something to do with that.

Step three is super-critical to do properly otherwise you might just end up a regular person who has a cat as a pet and not a certifiable crazy cat lady/ladyboy. This is the part where you actually physically acquire a cat. What you want to avoid in this step is any sense of normalcy or logic. You might think, “Well, Michelle, I’m going to head down to my local non-profit animal shelter and give a poor lil’ fella a good home and save him from execution.” That’s a great thought. You should do that. If you want to be normal and well-adjusted and create a positive impact in not only the life of a deserving animal, but on our world as a whole.

But a crazy cat lady knows no fear. Organizations don’t know the boundaries of your love. This is where shit gets serious. You need to trap and tame a feral cat. Bonus nutso points for more than one. So what if Mr. Fuzzypants III was enjoying a fantastic life wild and free in the great outdoors, chowing down on fat sewer mice every night like the king of the world he was? Doesn’t he know that you loooove him? As with a male subject of any species, persistent pestering by a female admirer combined with chronic overfeeding will create the ideal conditions for capture and, ultimately, Stockholm syndrome.

Fully indoctrinated members of the crazy cat lady world call this practice “rescuing”. In some cases, this can be true – injured cats, skinny cats, defenseless kittens, etc. However in most cases this is merely an excuse to continue hoarding animals and creating even worse living conditions for them than what they would have experienced in the wild. Fun fact. So what you want to aim for is being on the right side of crazy, as in either actually rescuing cats or just going to the goddamn SPCA like a normal fucking person. A good piece of advice for cat acquisition as well as life in general is to never go full retard.

Okay, so by now, you should have some cats. What, just one, you say? Get out of here and go read an article on what’s happening in women’s tennis while also renewing your subscription to Rock Garden Monthly because you must be super lame. If you managed to acquire three or more cats, congratulations, and keep reading.

I’m not gonna lie, step four is going to be tough for some of you. I’m not sure some of you will make it. Your cats will. Pound for pound, cats have more killing power than any other mammal on land so, you know, no matter what you do, they will be around to eat your dead corpse if necessary. What you need to do is to let your cats slowly assume control over your entire living space and become a shadow of your former self, as the reason for your existence now is solely to serve as an instrument of your cats’ demands. I know. This is tough, and it takes time.

I would suggest starting out by letting your cats just do anything they want, all the time. Which is pretty much what cats do anyway because in over 150,000 years of human history, no one has found a way to train a cat. You know why? Because it’s impossible. So this part shouldn’t be too difficult. It’s what comes next that separates the crazy cat ladies from the crazy cat girls (and/or pussy ladyboys).

Remember when you gave up hope? Remember the feeling of insignificance and despair that washed over you? Welcome back that feeling, because you will need it. You will know once you’ve reached the level of letting your cats run your life, which is our goal here in step four. You’ll know because when a friend calls to invite you out to a movie, your first thought it how crazy it is that our society doesn’t allow cats in movie theatres, too. And how, even if they did, the seats would be too high. How could the cats possibly see the screen?! You then start to wonder if the architectural minds of our day just really have it out for cats.

The second time you’ll know is when you win a free, all-inclusive vacation to Mexico. Instead of being elated and dreaming of big margaritas and even bigger bikini butts, your first thought is that, oh no you can’t go. Instead of finding a friend to check in on and feed your cats, you cancel the free trip to paradise. Because you just aren’t sure that your neighbour Brenda really knows how to fold Snuffy’s blanket properly, or that she cares enough to sing each of your seventeen cats to sleep with their own lullaby, because by the time you finish the last one, the first cat has woken up again and you’re just not sure of her dedication, quite frankly.

The third time you’ll know is when you wake up in that drowsy sort of way, eyes unfocused, and you see what looks to be a Simpsons-esque pink icing sprinkled doughnut dangling mere inches from your face. For a second, you are overjoyed. You reach towards it. Your eyes become focused. Oh. Oh. That’s not a mini doughnut, that’s just your cat’s anus that she decided to flaunt in front of your face while you were sleeping. Just for kicks.

You’re almost there. You’re almost at that ultimate level of true cat lady crazydom. The very last step may sound like a cakewalk to you, but trust me, it’s not. Step five involves all of the skills we have already learned plus one crucial new one: personal hygiene.

Now in the second step, we covered wardrobe. No matter what you do, you’re gonna be fucked. By some mystical magical power, your black cat’s black fur is still going to show up on your black fucking pants. No one knows how they do it, they just do. But you need to go beyond just wardrobe here. Have you ever struggled with frizzy, unmanageable hair? Stop struggling. Give in. Embrace the frizz. Let it run free just like the mane of a wild lion, the lion you are inside. Or whatever.

I guess the best advice I can give appearance-wise, would be to look at yourself in the mirror each morning and ask yourself, “Would this look serve me well both on a safari but also as a homeless vagrant?” If the answer is yes, then you are a true master. You know how to walk the fine line between wearing items on your body and yet still looking like shit.

That’s it. The five steps you need to become a crazy cat lady. I hope you’ve learned a lot today, you’re going to need it. If all of this was too much for you, well you just might not be cut out for kitty crazytown. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But just remember when the End Times come and cats and cockroaches make up the majority of all surviving beings on our planet, you won’t be spared.

Thanks for reading and remember to hug the crazy cat lady in your life today! (Hint: Mother’s Day is coming up.)