Guest contribution #5 comes from a girl I know who chose to remain anonymous. I'll tell you she's 21 years old, and a rad chick.
Here's her take on the Friends with Benefits taboo, and why its working for her.
Check it out.
Friends with Benefits
Have you ever had a serious boyfriend or girlfriend? Have
you ever had a one night stand? Maybe an acquaintance or friend there was
sexual tension with that you slept with a few times but unfortunately lead to a
misunderstanding because you were just horny when you were drunk and they
totally had feelings for you - now leaving it awkward and uncomfortable when
you see them at the grocery store, gas station or at the local bar? Have you
ever felt like stabbing your eyes out with a pointy pencil because it has been
(insert longest time spent not having sex) since you got lucky? If you are a
human that went to high school, definitely if you went to college, then I am
almost positive everyone has dipped in at least one of the scenarios I painted.
Even being in my very early 20s, I have experienced all of them. From my past
romantic and sexual experiences I took what I learned, the good and the bad,
and what I still wanted to explore and made a deal with the devil. If you like sex, keep reading.
My friends ask me how I can seem so genuinely happy and
upbeat every day, no matter the weather outside. Where does that spring in my
step come from? Why am I the girl sitting on the bus gazing out the window
simply smiling at the trees, buildings and cars zooming by on my daily commute
to work? Aside from the choice I make every day to BE HAPPY and to THINK
POSITIVE, there is something else. Sometimes I recall a funny joke a pal told
me, but most of the time it is casual sex and a good cup of coffee that gets me
smiling in the morning. Although I have chosen to remain anonymous, I will tell
you that I am not a slut, I am not easy, and I treat everyone I encounter with
respect.
I felt very bitter towards men after my last romance. Time
was slowly passing and it had been a dry and agonizing four months since I had
been laid. That was a record for me, and I realized it was time to play the
field again. I was all messed up because I thought I hated all men, love was
for suckers and one night stands were too trashy. If I felt differently about
sleeping with strangers, then I could have had lots of sex over my dry period,
but they freak me out and are just not for me. If you full-fill your sexual
void with one night stands, congratulations! If you feel a little bit icky
towards them or loosely agree with any of my content to this point, keep
reading.
This post is named “Friends with Benefits” because I have
one. There, I said it, and I am still smiling. No icky feeling, no desire to
check my phone every 47 seconds to see if I have a text from him, and no need
to spy on him out of my car with binoculars to find out if him and his hot
neighbor really are just friends. One day I met a good looking, funny guy. I
didn’t think much of him beyond that. Over perhaps a dozen encounters, some
brief and some long, the sexual tension was there. We finally made plans to
hang out one on one and we had a ball. After many drinks in the sunshine on a
beautiful day, we were both naked in his bed. It happened six or seven times,
too drunk to remember the total count. However, we were able to remember how
much fun we had and how amazing the sex was. We might have been the horniest
people in the world that night, but hey, at least we found each other, and we
told each other there was no judgement about anything.
A couple days later when we were 100% sober we had a real
talk. He called me out on my candy eyes for him and we acknowledged that we
both liked each other; both enjoyed the other’s company and definitely would
like to have sex again. We entertained the thought about dating for a few
minutes, which could be nice, but we decided against it due to our own personal
life reasons. As of now, my work schedule is so crazy and demanding, I barely
have time to see my best friends and own family. Of course finding a date or a
boyfriend is on my mind, but I don’t really want or need that right now. I just
want to make some money, get my career wing flapping, get a tan, party with my
chums and have lots of sex. Basically, at the end of the day I would like to drink
beer and watch Netflix on the couch with my buddy followed by sex and repeat it
several times (or as many times as we would like) per week and he absolutely
feels the same.
So, we laid out a few ground rules, fair play, and cleared
up some things from the get-go. Clearing up any questions or concerns in the
beginning was KEY. Ultimately, we decided that we were both equally using each
other (in a nice way) and would never be able to use the old “what are we?”
that makes men run for the hills. If one
night both of us or one of us are out drinking with friends and we get a little
horny, the bed is open. If we are too drunk to drive and it is too late to get
the bus, a rendezvous ending with a spooning session is fine! Sleepovers are
okay time to time. The beauty is that we are FRIENDS. We care for each other in the sense that we
respect and are nice to each other. No one is going to be mean, and no one is
going to feel bad or guilty on the inside after calling the other up at 1am. If
we want to sleep separately in our own beds and are able to get home safely,
that is cool! If going home is not an easy option, we are not going to kick the
other out of our bed once we are finished because friends don’t do that. Also,
we don’t have to be drunk. Sober sex is good sex, too, and it can be at any
time of day as long as we are both game.
WHAT WE SHOOK HANDS ON:
·
If we send a text wanting to hook up, there is
three hours to reply. If there is no reply, we are not meeting up that day.
·
We do not tell anyone that we are friends with
benefits. (our day to day lives overlap so it could cause problems if people
found out we were sleeping together)
·
We only sleep with each other. (No STDs!!!)
·
Be honest with everything.
·
No judgement.
·
If we start seeing other people seriously, the
sex ends but we are still friends.
Pros:
·
All the sex when and where we want it.
·
We know how we look naked and we know what we
like! Body insecurities never come into play because we already announced that
we like each other’s body. Duh, our friendship is based on physical attraction!
·
Never having to impress and convince strangers
we are smart / cool / sexy enough to sleep with / date because we are already
getting some.
·
No need to creep his Facebook and strike up a
sudden interest in his favourite sports team – we are already on common ground,
no need to fake a mutual interest, just honesty.
·
A unique friendship.
·
He literally picks me up from work, takes me to
his bed, then drives me home and tunes into my favourite radio station.
·
The honesty – he tells me which pants make my
ass look great and which pants that don’t… just like a friend would!
·
My dad doesn’t have to kill him because he
doesn’t know he exists!
·
I can still meet, talk, flirt, text and date
other men knowing if I find someone or something better, I can end sex with my
friend in an instant because I am not tied down and there are no hard feelings
– this was our agreement!
·
A confidence boost
Cons:
·
No one to bring home to Thanksgiving Dinner - my
mom still asks me every week if I have met anyone special.
·
Some friends just can’t accept a situation like
this and will look at you differently ***this applies to girls only*** ***
GUYS: your friends will think you are a champ!!!***
·
May potentially interfere with the chances of
finding my prince charming (if you are not looking at anyone else at all, you
might miss the chance at meeting a long term mate)
·
Over time feelings may arise
How my life has improved:
·
No urge to stab my eyes out
·
Always something / someone to do
This is just my outlook on recent friends with benefits
relationship of mine. All in all I am in my happy place. I know it won’t last
forever, but right now it is just right. He isn’t the guy I want to introduce
to my family and friends, but we still have fun together behind closed doors. I
still want to meet my Prince Charming and when the time is right for me, settle
down and have a family. I know that my buddy here is not the one, but he is a
friend, and hats off to him!
If you think a friend with benefits might be right for you,
go for it! I highly recommend it. Please consider my pros and cons before you
make any decisions. I don’t want anyone getting hurt. Just be honest with
yourself and your friend. This situation is meant to benefit both of you, so
lay your cards on the table, push the envelope, and go after what you need. A
glorious relationship like this doesn’t come along often, so if you decide to go
down a path like this, take full advantage of it. I don’t want anyone to get
hurt, so be honest, think positive and have an open mind!
Thank-you for reading
J
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