Friendly Advice for Resolution Triumph

Broaden your New Year’s resolutions so you don’t fall on your face.

 

Just in the heart of the “New Year, New Me” mirror pics that come a very short time after the “Last year I did ______ and _______, and I’m really looking forward to _____,” year in review posts.  I have to say, I’m rooting for you. But I’m also not naïve, and the only person that really has any business holding you accountable to your resolutions is yourself.

I personally don't give a shit if your reso was to lose ten pounds, stop drunk-texting your ex, or want this to be the year you quit peeing the bed. I don't have any business judging you, I already like you how you are. Regardless of what you’ve set yourself up for – one thing I don’t want to see you all do is knowingly let yourself down, shrug off your failure and move on. It’s a mental nut-shot to realize you’ve bitten off more than you can chew and come up short.

This year “Fail Friday” is on Jan.24^th, the 3^rd weekend of the New Year when the gyms start to become vacant again, the saturated fats and carbs start to fill half your plate again, the corner stores start selling extra-potent cigarettes again, and you settle for learning the basic greeting and all the swearwords of that new language you told yourself you'd learn.

Here’s my advice -- take it like water off a duck’s back, or get it tattooed on your neck, up to you.

Broaden the scale of your goals.

Understand???? I’m not talking “My New Year’s Resolution is to do stuff, and be vague." I mean set the same goals as you are now but with many more parts, so if one part of it doesn’t pan out immediately have another 80% of it bringing up the slack.

Let me give you stereotypical resolutions, and my revamped idea of them which will be patented and go down in history as:

“Friendly Advice for Resolution Triumph” or “F.A.R.T” for short.

Example 1:

Typical: I’m going to lose 20 lbs by summer so I can fit in my old bathing suit!

F.A.R.T: I’m going to move my body until I sweat regularly. Try to feel better about my body by watching what I eat, limiting my rest times and allocating time for physical activity regularly.

Typical Result: is that cake?

  

F.A.R.T result: 30lbs. down and smothered in babes.

Example 2:

Typical: I’m going to quit drinking, or at least not as much

F.A.R.T: I’m not going to get drunk for no reason, but when cocktail inspired events come up, I’m going to maintain a social level of drinking and hold myself accountable by offering to DD, or make plans for early the next morning so I’m not a hung-over sloth. If the party is a real shaker, I’ll stay on the level with everyone else and not be the drunkest person there. Everything in moderation

Typical Result: Vomit and pissed pants by February

F.A.R.T Result: You remember going to parties and social events the next morning, and you remember having fun. You don’t get hungover or talk out of your ass and don’t regret your drinking to the point that you feel the need to make a resolution about it.

 

To conclude, I hope your resolutions have the purpose of making you a more positive and better person – not a person that becomes down on themselves and feels like a loser because New Year’s resolutions actually require conscious effort and mindset. There is no fairy dust that grants wishes simply because it’s a new year. Life is not a video game, there is no reset button. Life is a like a ship’s voyage at sea, if you map it out and manage the helm, you’ll be able to overcome the heavy waves and get to your destination

Also stay positive, if your resolution was to lose weight and slow down on drinking and you got so hammered New Years that you spent the next day hugging the toilet puking – think of it as a jump start to your weight loss goals. There’s always a silver lining.

Happy bettering yourselves y’all!

As always thanks for reading and making this page a success, means a ton.

-Jegger