Turning 26 in Thailand

Todays the day I’m heading out of the continent for the first time in over a decade, headed to Thailand. I have no idea what to expect but I know I’m looking forward to it.

I’m spending my 26^th birthday in this Southeast Asian paradise – I can’t think of a better way to ease into one’s ‘late 20s’ than white sands, cold drinks, and the good life.

My family pretty-well all work in the airline industry, and I wouldn’t say I’m a bad flyer, but I’m always super uncomfortable until the moment that I board the plane. It’s not the flying that I dislike, it’s the short window of time leading up to it… like now, mere hours before show time.  but I love long flights, being suspended in the air in such a void allows for honest self-thought and reflection.

We see the news almost daily about the political unrest in Thailand, and violence that seems to be growing along with it. To be honest, in a way I’m looking forward to seeing that from a closer angle. I’m not saying I’m going to submerge myself in a war zone, I just mean I’m sure seeing fresh remnants of conflict will remind me how grateful I am to live in Canada, the freest, most beautiful place in the world. It’ll give me new perspective to meet people that have seen true adversity, not the petty sort that we western people seem to dwell on often.

 

I’m pumped about eating fresh Asian fruits and veggies that I’ve never seen before, on beaches and bars that I could have never dreamt existed, with people whose culture is absolutely nothing at all like my own.  I imagine they’ll be excited to practice the broken short English they know with me, what words I’m not sure. As a man who is 6 foot 4, and 250lbs going to an Asian country, I’m sure I’ll be referred to as something along the lines of “big boy”. Which is fine, I could use the ego boost.

Hopefully I’m going to get a line in the water at some point during the trip and try my angling luck on the other side of the planet, see what kind of weird looking creature I can yank out of the water and hopefully eat.
 

And finally all the ancient temples of truth and peace, that Buddhist culture have created over the past few thousand years, I bet that stuff is going to knock my proverbial socks off. I’m not a Buddhist, I’m a Christian, but I am definitely an explorer on the seemingly never ending path to inner peace.

If there is one thing I’m not looking forward to, it’s leaving my dog. Wee-Li Nel Sun is a Buddhist dog from Tibet though, so maybe he will be my spirit guide while I’m gone.  Canada’s Gold Medal Men’s Hockey game day marked the 1 year anniversary of me rescuing him, so I’d say that’s pretty momentous.  Man, I love that little guy.

If I do not return, I’ve most likely fallen so thoroughly in love with the country that I can’t bear to leave.  Remember me fondly, and remember I’ll keep you all in my thoughts.

Till Mar.9^th when I return, Peace, Love, God Bless, and be good until I get back to shake things up with you.  SEE YA!

Ps. If I’ve got Wi-Fi, I’ll show ya’ll where I'm at via jeggergram

Pps. If anyone spoils the outcome of the episode of True Detective that I’m going to miss, I’ll egg your house... (Not joking)

Poetry Thursday 3

Please Pickup After Your Dog
By: Steve Jegger

"That's it! I've had it! I mean it, that's it!"
He screamed out loud, as he stepped in dog shit.

The frustration was thick for he'd just bought these shoes
And now they were merely, Nike Foam Plus plus poos.

He hurried back home and cleaned them off in a rush
But his wife was furious, because he used her toothbrush.

She kicked him out and told him to leave for a while
So she would have time to refresh her stained smile.

The man went to a pub to drown his ill  sorrow
Desperately hoping, that he'd have a better tomorrow.

One drink turned to ten and the man became drunk,
The bartender said "no more" and the man's shoulders sunk.

As he stumbled back home he saw a coin on the ground
He picked it up a smiled, at what he had found.

"Wow! This nickel marks a change in my luck"
He said right before he was hit by a truck.

So let this man's story be a lesson to you
When walking your dog, always pick up its poo.

Poetry Thursday 2

I remain determined to keep Poetry Thursday a thing.
This Thursday I wrote a free verse describing a night-terror I had no more than two weeks ago.
For as long as I can remember I've had unsettling sleep habits from sleep-paralysis to night terrors. I always remember my dreams, so here's the experience through words of this one.

as always send me your poetry if you'd like to be posted on Poetry Thursday and I'll feature it.

enjoy!


The Nucleus  By: Steve Jegger

At the time I didn’t grasp I was opening my eyes from the inside,
Since somehow I felt alive among this unmerited chaos,
But I didn’t know the source of this beam of tangerine light that was nudging through my curtain,
The atmosphere should not be the colour synonymous with fire and my stomach shouldn’t be this unsettled,
I made my way to the front door to stamp reality onto this feeling,
I don’t recall taking any paces towards the door,
But I remember the nerve-racking journey down my hallway to it,
As the tinted glass was shining orange and illuminated,
Maybe I had no legs at all because I don’t recollect them being in attendance,
My choice of transportation must have been mental energy,
I toured out onto my front porch to a surge of heat and dynamism,
Like stepping into a sauna that was overstraining its potential,
Warmth that penetrates your core before your senses have a chance to catch up,
My familiar neighbourhood was there but all the accompaniments were not,
No automobiles in my neighbour’s driveway or anywhere,
No street lights that would normally irradiate the sidewalk,
No trees, shrubs, or flowers that my neighbours had planted,
Just pristine homes, clean and abandoned as they were originally when I watched them erected as a boy,
The lawn’s vibrancy was like nothing I had ever set witness to,
A deeper shade of green than my eyes knew how to process,
It was though the tangerine engulfed sky had graced it with an overload of chlorophyll,
Mutating the lawn and exceeding the capabilities that nature permitted it,
This was all before I looked up,
The real purpose I was out here for anyways,
As I looked up to the sky I saw hundreds of jetliners and passenger planes,
All thundering above me no more than a few hundred feet,
I could only hear the marvellous crash of the jet stream if I focused on them,
Otherwise it was an uncomfortable mute in my head,
The pandemonium became a choice to hear an eerie silence, or an earth shattering exhaust,
These planes flew in a circular orbit like an electron circling an invisible nucleus,
All flying in perfect circles aplenty,
Some were upside down, some sideways, some upright,
But all flew the same path repeatedly as if they were trapped or drawn on this course.
I decided to stare at the one that orbited closest to my sight,
So the roar of the engine could battle with my ears for familiarity or submission,
The noise was forcing my thoughts to scramble and turning my mind abstract,
Once I finally thought I was grasping the situation that was unexplainable, yet before me,

I woke up.

Tips for Tinder: We're All Gonna Get _____!

Its going down, I'm yelling TINDERRRR!!!! 

Today’s quick topic has got to be Tinder. The interactive dating app that lets you view a profile picture and quick description of a person, and decide if you want to do them! Perfect! At the end of the interaction, if you’ve both agreed you want to potentially see each other naked to some capacity, congratulations! A screen comes up telling you that you have a match and you’re free to make small talk and try and get together with them.
This may seem a little bit of a backwards process wanting to get in someone's pants before wanting to get in their heart and mind, but - #YOLO

Yes, this is actually a thing. People genuinely think they will meet the love of their life by first judging them solely on their appearance. By the year 2030, there is going to be an entire generation of kids born of a wine-fuelled Tinder hookup. Great!

Best part about this is it works on Wi-Fi proximity signals and geo-locating software, so you get to choose from singles in your general area, anywhere you are in the world! This is great if you’re travelling and want to do something crazy while in Vegas, or if you’re just trying to find a cute gal to give you a ride to an airport.

Still interested? Perfect! Here’s some sure fire ways to have if nothing else, FUN while using Tinder. Without epically failing the excitement factor by starting to get to know someone with something boring like “hey, how are you?" because that's what you call, fucking boring.  Here's a free opener for a guy to strike up a conversation - this one's free from me ;)

Ladies, If you matched with a guy solely because he has a really cute dog (this happens), why not get to know them enough to set up a date, and make sure they bring their puppy along with a series of dog related puns:

Bring the dog! no pugs no hugs, no ruff no muff, no stray no play, no mutt no butt. and POOF! you make a new furry friend!

Sometimes even after you get a match, you don’t ever end up speaking with them. I always assume this is because the girl is too afraid to hangout because she’s not actually as attractive as her profile picture in person and doesn't want to come to terms with the fact that her selfie-game is just too damn strong.

I just can’t bring myself to take Tinder seriously so I just have fun while using it, like its a game. If someone doesn’t like me back on this app, I just assume they've died or had their phone stolen so it doesn’t hurt my self-esteem.

Whenever I do get a match from a hot girl, I first assume it’s really 4 guys in a dorm room who set up a fake profile and are now somewhere laughing at me. Yet despite my total lack of faith in this process, I occasionally continue to swipe right if I like the person, swipe left if I don’t, or cry because my life has come to this.

If a girl goes into this looking to meet the right guy for a relationship, she may ask herself “Does every guy on Tinder just want to hook up?” let me answer that:

Yes. You know who else is looking to hook up? Pretty much every guy you’ve ever met in any way ever. Guys want to hook up first and meet you later. Whether or not you meet them in a bar, online, through friends, a blind date, or even from making eye contact with a guy (he has already hooked up with the idea of you).

So in this sense it really doesn’t matter how you guys met, even if the idea of it being on Tinder is a weird one (he was probably pooping when he swiped right for you). Therefore ladies, once you’ve come to terms with that, you can start getting to know the guy across the table from you on this date that has intentions your father would frown upon, and maybe even enjoy his company.

So having said that, guys, if you’re not looking for a relationship, maybe just go about it in a funny or intelligent way. you never know, she might still be into you!

Here’s one I used as an example – didn’t work (she probably lost her phone), but hey, think outside the box. No girl wants a scrub hanging out his best friend's ride.  Check it:

If you don’t have Tinder and you’re single, get it! At least you’ll have something fun to do while killing time that is way easier than Flappy Bird. And on the plus side, you might get lucky!

Just a post for fun and laughs, like, steal, share as you wish.

-Jegger

Poetry Thursday

I’m going to improve my writing skills this year. I’m going to improve the way I convey my mind’s ideas to the written and spoken word. Every Thursday I’m going to post an original poem I’ve written.

In the future, I'll make some funny, and rhyme, and some will just plain suck.. I don't care.

Not into poems, don’t read.

For me, they help evoke abstract emotion into the written word. If you read them with an open mind, you’ll have a picture painted in your head.

The stigma was poetry is a feminine thing. Like it’s for sissies. I couldn’t disagree more. Poetry is an artistic demonstration that you’ve mastered words.

So welcome to the inaugural Poetry Thursday.

If you’re into poems and you’d like to feature on a Poetry Thursday, email it to me at stevejegger@gmail.com with the subject “poetry Thursday” and ill feature it.

Here is my first. enjoy

 

 

 

 

 Fish Head  By:Steve Jegger

Create a catacomb of breakthroughs,

Ever buried, suffocated.

Under the next cascade of the mind’s nomadic conclusion.

These are the epiphanies  to share;

They take precedent above equivalencies from moments past.

Like a compost of dynamic insurgency left stagnant in time

To decompose underneath a layer of convenience

Does the soul determine the profound;

What to exist and perish for,

When copious last breaths have been engaged in vain

And cowards of plenty have missed their beautiful conclusion

Yet revel, hedonistic sense that the frigid wind speaks to them

They deserve hearing the whispers of the universe as they rise and slumber

Ignorant to being the walking rotten

Like a salmon who’s climaxed life, still feels the water and for a glint knows it matters;

We, the fish; our climax to convince our school, truth.

Ever unaware that millennia past

The truth has at no time been found.

Still we swim the stream.